It's all up hill after Dennis Miller

After seven long, baseball ridden months, the NFL is finally back in my life. This means many things to a degenerate like me. Not only does it bring the prospect of actual interesting sporting events returning to my life, it also reintroduces me the wonderful world of sports betting. I am by no means a football expert. In fact, it would be a stretch to even call myself well informed. But there's something about football betting that puts all other sports bets to shame. Oh, and the Giants won the Superbowl in somewhat dramatic fashion if you hadn't heard. Admittedly, the Giants' season looks pretty bleak right now but it's still very exciting to come into the season as defending champions and OH MY GOD FOOTBALL IS BACK! The Giants will have to fight for a playoff spot in the ridiculously stacked NFC East but, as cliche as this sounds, I think the Giants have already proven that they thrive in those situations and I expect them to find themselves in a Wild Card game again. More on the Giants in a bit. Here are my loose rankings as of 28 hours before the season officially starts. 

Favourites (in order):

Cowboys

Totally Not Undefeated Last Season Patriots

Chargers

Colts

Contenders:

Jaguars

Vikings

Steelers

Dangerous in the Playoffs:

Browns 

Eagles

Could Surprise You:

Giants

Saints

Bills

Packers

Overrated Would Be a Compliment:

Redskins

Broncos

Titans

Lions

Panthers

Pointlessly Mediocre:

Texans

Buccaneers

Bengals

The Suckiest Bunch of Sucks That Ever Sucked:

Jets

Bears

Dolphins

Raiders

Chiefs

I'd Rather Watch a Ben Affleck Movie:

Falcons

Ravens

The entire NFC West (Seahawks, Cardinals, 49ers, Rams) 

The reason I have the Cowboys at the top of my list is that they will most likely coast through the NFC Playoffs (Yes, I'm totally trying to jinx them) while the AFC Playoffs are going to be a total bloodbath. Seriously, I've heard five different teams in the AFC predicted to win the Superbowl and they all make sense. On the other hand, the only serious threat to the Cowboys right now is the Vikings and they didn't even make the playoffs last year.

The reason I put the NFC West at the bottom is because it's god awful. The Seahawks are the only legitimate team in that division and that's only because they were in Superbowl thre years ago. They would get crushed in any other division except the NFC South where they'd probably still get spanked by the Saints.

Yes, I know the Jets have Brett Favre and I still say they suck. I almost feel bad for the people who think a 38 year old diva learning a new offense somehow books a ticket for the playoffs. Favre is a great player but he didn't do it alone last year. The Jets' only other assets are their offensive line and... oh, that's it. I hope Brett Favre cries his way through the end of the season when he realizes that he ruined his legacy to go 6-10.

Here are some more whimsical predictions and then a celebration to honor the beginning of Edmund's season long funding of the Feed James fund.

Tony Romo will throw for 40 touchdowns and win MVP.

Nobody will care about Jessica Simpson until the playoffs, at which point the whole world will put pressure on Tony Romo to win a game. 

Eli Manning will finally play consistently this season and shut up all his critics.

Justin Tuck will have a monster season at defensive end for the Giants and their defense will be just fine.

Either Tom Brady or Peyton Manning will miss a start. 

Adam "Pacman" Jones will not get in any trouble off the field this season. 

Chris Henry will get in trouble off the field this season.

If the Cardinals have any shot at the playoffs, they will not start Matt Leinart at all.

Adrian Peterson will lead the league in rushing. However, he will not gain 2000 yards.

Shawne Merriman will not make it through eight games before his knee fails on him. Enjoy him while he's playing because this could easily be the end of his career. "Idiotic" doesn't even begin to describe his decision to play through two(!) torn ligaments. Good luck living off that rookie contract for the rest of your life, Shawne.

I will consider the season a bust if announcers refuse to refer to the receiver formerly known as Chad Johnson by his new legal name, Chad Ocho Cinco.

Marvin Lewis will get fired by the Bengals after the season.

Edmund will lose lots of money to me.

Seriously, Edmund picked the Broncos as the #1 seed in the AFC. It doesn't get much better after that.

The Cowboys will beat the Colts 28-24 in the Superbowl.