Saturday, August 16, 2008
Because ESPN needs more money
Between the lucrative ABC affiliation and countless offspring- I'm still waiting on The Ocho-I highly doubt ESPN needs any more customers but funny is funny and should always be shared. So check this out and enjoy the endless folly that is Aaron Rodgers' career. Also, in case you were wondering, I will indeed continue to steal from endorse other media outlets and pass if off as an original blog.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Mix Bag
Sorry about the lack of posting lately. My mind has been a little scattered and I haven't been particularly inspired. Nonetheless, here are a bunch of random links and thoughts to get me out of the rut.
- I'm almost genuinely upset how lightly the collective sports media has treated the Brett Favre situation. I understand that Brett Favre has had a great career and probably played harder and with more passion than anybody else for the past sixteen years. But if this despicable display of selfishness can't end his the media's infatuation with him, then what does? He spent three straight years holding the Packers hostage with his indecisiveness, then he's surprised when they decide to move on after he announces his retirement? Football players: they're not exactly rocket scientists. I can't wait to see his face after he realizes that the Jets are in fact awful. I'm so disgusted with this whole situation that I'm actually considering rooting for the Patriots to beat them.
- Speaking of the Patriots, this is indeed priceless:
- They're making a movie out of Max Payne, which I'll admit was a pretty cool computer game. But in the end this only makes me long for a Duke Nukem movie. Actually, Duke Nukem mainly fought aliens. This could only lead to lackluster CG monsters in some debacle helmed by some geek who aspires to make the next 300, which was a massive disappointment in my opinion.
- I swear I'm not posting the following video for maturbatory purposes. Most of the time I think it's great that European entertainment is more open and honest about sex but I find it pretty offensive that this is a real "exercise" show in Italy:
Play a game with it. Scan through and see if 50% of the time you find a close up of an ass.
- These are the most hilariously nauseating shoes I have ever seen. Try not to look too long or your head might explode.
- If having Stupidity Awards is pure genius, then hiring Lewis Black as the host is the test tube baby of Stephen Hawking and Albert Einstein.
- Sometimes streaking goes better than expected. Other times not so much. Observe:
Best reaction in the second video goes to the guy in the lower right hand corner who laughs so hard he falls down. More importantly, the first video is extremely rare in that you get a glimpse of a whole boob at the end of the video. I kind of want to marry that woman. Unless that video is from the 90s. Who am I kidding? Are you out there YouTube streaker lady? I love you.
- A couple weeks ago at work (remember when I had a job?) I saw a YouTube video of a Youtube video? I guess it makes sense. Why would I watch South Park on YouTube when I can watch crappy handheld home recordings of South Park on YouTube. In other news, that person should probably get a new hobby.
- In case you weren't aware of this already, you are currently using the Internet and it is so complicated it makes me dizzy. Take your time reading this one. It's fascinating how much we take for granted. Also, according to this page a lot of the Internet is run through one building. It can't really be that easy to destroy the Internet. Or can it...
Saturday, August 2, 2008
List #2
The worst teams in professional sports.
I include teams that I have never seen make the playoffs in my 17 years of watching sports, or even worse have had fewer than 2 or 3 winning seasons in that span. They might never win, and a few even seem to be in constant danger of being moved to another city or contracted (which means they won't exist at all anymore). Yes, this happens. I will refrain from using the phrase, "The Cream of the Crap". Also, I'm exluding any NHL (hockey) teams as I am not educated enough on this front and truly, "psshhhhh" describes how I feel about all that business.
Football:
Detroit Lions
Cleveland Browns
Arizona Cardinals
Houston Texans
The NFL is one of the best sports as far as having random teams make the playoffs, and I believe it's even possible that the first 2 listed above did it once in the 90's. The Texans are a relatively new team by comparison, and perhaps should have been exluded from the list. I think I've seen 30 of the 32 teams make the dance at some point. *Football has 12 playoff teams each year.
Basketball:
This one is a bit tougher, as 16 of the 30 teams in the NBA make the playoffs every year, and one or two really insane players can help out a crappier team much more than in football or baseball.
Atlanta Hawks--They made the playoffs last year, but it was as a bottom seed and with a
losing record. Prior to that, they hadn't done anything since at least the early
90's, and certainly haven't had a title sine the 80's.
Charlotte Bobcats--A new team, but still pretty bad.
Memphis Grizzlies--I think they've only been around since the mid 90's, but it's been at
least 10 years, and the other team that came into the league the same
time as them (Toronto Raptors) have made the playoffs more than once.
Even bottom dwellers like the Bucks, Blazers, Kings, TWolves and Sonics all had some amazing runs. Honorbale mentions inclue the Golden State Warriors and LA Clippers.
Baseball:
Montreal Expos/Washington Nationals-My favorite team growing up. I had their hat, baseball cards, and even saw an interleague game between them and the Baltimore Orioles. I never saw them make the playoffs, but during the strike shortened season of 1994, they had the best record in baseball at 74-40. Yes, 74-40!! It's really to sad a subject for me to discuss any longer. Here is a brief list of former Expos players: Pedro Martinez, Randy Johnson, Vlad Guerrero, Andre Dawson, Tim Raines, Andres Galaragga, Larry Walker, Moises Alou, Cliff Lee, and Grady Sizemore.
Milwaukee Brewers
Kansas City Royals
Cincinnati Reds
Pittsburgh Pirates
The last three teams are arguably the biggest losers in all of sports the last 15 years. This baseball talk is making me thirsty. I have nothing good to say about Billy Crystal except that when he was young, he wasn't that ugly. Toodles.
I include teams that I have never seen make the playoffs in my 17 years of watching sports, or even worse have had fewer than 2 or 3 winning seasons in that span. They might never win, and a few even seem to be in constant danger of being moved to another city or contracted (which means they won't exist at all anymore). Yes, this happens. I will refrain from using the phrase, "The Cream of the Crap". Also, I'm exluding any NHL (hockey) teams as I am not educated enough on this front and truly, "psshhhhh" describes how I feel about all that business.
Football:
Detroit Lions
Cleveland Browns
Arizona Cardinals
Houston Texans
The NFL is one of the best sports as far as having random teams make the playoffs, and I believe it's even possible that the first 2 listed above did it once in the 90's. The Texans are a relatively new team by comparison, and perhaps should have been exluded from the list. I think I've seen 30 of the 32 teams make the dance at some point. *Football has 12 playoff teams each year.
Basketball:
This one is a bit tougher, as 16 of the 30 teams in the NBA make the playoffs every year, and one or two really insane players can help out a crappier team much more than in football or baseball.
Atlanta Hawks--They made the playoffs last year, but it was as a bottom seed and with a
losing record. Prior to that, they hadn't done anything since at least the early
90's, and certainly haven't had a title sine the 80's.
Charlotte Bobcats--A new team, but still pretty bad.
Memphis Grizzlies--I think they've only been around since the mid 90's, but it's been at
least 10 years, and the other team that came into the league the same
time as them (Toronto Raptors) have made the playoffs more than once.
Even bottom dwellers like the Bucks, Blazers, Kings, TWolves and Sonics all had some amazing runs. Honorbale mentions inclue the Golden State Warriors and LA Clippers.
Baseball:
Montreal Expos/Washington Nationals-My favorite team growing up. I had their hat, baseball cards, and even saw an interleague game between them and the Baltimore Orioles. I never saw them make the playoffs, but during the strike shortened season of 1994, they had the best record in baseball at 74-40. Yes, 74-40!! It's really to sad a subject for me to discuss any longer. Here is a brief list of former Expos players: Pedro Martinez, Randy Johnson, Vlad Guerrero, Andre Dawson, Tim Raines, Andres Galaragga, Larry Walker, Moises Alou, Cliff Lee, and Grady Sizemore.
Milwaukee Brewers
Kansas City Royals
Cincinnati Reds
Pittsburgh Pirates
The last three teams are arguably the biggest losers in all of sports the last 15 years. This baseball talk is making me thirsty. I have nothing good to say about Billy Crystal except that when he was young, he wasn't that ugly. Toodles.
Summer Lull
Contrary to popular belief, boredom is not the only reason to discuss and analyze major league baseball. I believe cowardess and cocaine usage (separate of course) also apply. That being said, it's two in the afternoon and I feel interested, courageous, and without any kind of drip running down my throat.
I told James nearly 2 months ago that the Yankees would win the World Series, and frankly it's agonizing being right so often. Still, with the Orioles a mere 9 (that's right 9!) games behind second place Boston in the AL East, my preseason futures bet and love for everything birdy and orange is still alive. Kevin Millar may very well surpass 20 home runs for the season, which isn't too bad for someone I declared the worst person in baseball not 3 years ago. Of course at that time, he was playing for Team Satanic Petaphiles.
*For anyone who doesn't know too much about baseball or is halfway intelligent and thus doesn't care, there are 2 leagues-American and National, each with 3 divisions. Every year a total of 8 teams go to the playoffs, which encompasses the 6 division winners and 2 wild cards (the teams with the next best records). Easy enough, right? The problem is that a team with a better record could miss out on the playoffs if they are stuck in a great division, whereas a division winner with a worse record could go on to the postseason. I think it's great, and it should cause all those pundits who complain about rules and whatnot in baseball to go into some real introspective analysis of themselves, and realize maybe there's like, I dunno, more important stuff going on around them.
I will now give you my 2 lists.
1. Major League Baseball is both great and terrible because at the start of each year, even though 162 games are played (the most of any professional sport by far), nearly 75% of the teams can be rules out as having absolutely no chance to even sniff the playoffs. So here are the only teams I believe have an actual shot to play in the World Series, aka the final round of the playoffs or where the "top 2" teams play it out for the title.
Los Angeles Angels
Boston Red Sox
New York Yankees
Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Minnesota Twins
New York Mets
Florida Marlins
Chicago Cubs
Milwaukee Brewers
Arizona Diamondbacks
Like I said, you can rule out most teams, and even listing 10 teams is a bit of a stretch. I am not stating only 8 of these 10 teams will make the playoffs, but that no other teams have any shot of making the series. Most of these choices should be self explanatory, and if not you can glance here. As for the "odder choices", the Marlins are one of only 4 teams I've seen win 2 titles in my lifetime and they play with grit and pizazz, which is like an impossible combo to achieve. The Twins have close to the wors ballpark, owner, attendance stats, and payrolls in the entire sport, and yet seem to be in contention nearly every season the last few years. Arizona also owns a championship and a few division titles in the last decade, as does St Louis. Milwaukee is just pure talent, a completely loaded team. So there you go. The Chicago White Sox, Philadelphia Phillies, and Los Angeles Dodgers get no respect from me, and they don't deserve it.
I told James nearly 2 months ago that the Yankees would win the World Series, and frankly it's agonizing being right so often. Still, with the Orioles a mere 9 (that's right 9!) games behind second place Boston in the AL East, my preseason futures bet and love for everything birdy and orange is still alive. Kevin Millar may very well surpass 20 home runs for the season, which isn't too bad for someone I declared the worst person in baseball not 3 years ago. Of course at that time, he was playing for Team Satanic Petaphiles.
*For anyone who doesn't know too much about baseball or is halfway intelligent and thus doesn't care, there are 2 leagues-American and National, each with 3 divisions. Every year a total of 8 teams go to the playoffs, which encompasses the 6 division winners and 2 wild cards (the teams with the next best records). Easy enough, right? The problem is that a team with a better record could miss out on the playoffs if they are stuck in a great division, whereas a division winner with a worse record could go on to the postseason. I think it's great, and it should cause all those pundits who complain about rules and whatnot in baseball to go into some real introspective analysis of themselves, and realize maybe there's like, I dunno, more important stuff going on around them.
I will now give you my 2 lists.
1. Major League Baseball is both great and terrible because at the start of each year, even though 162 games are played (the most of any professional sport by far), nearly 75% of the teams can be rules out as having absolutely no chance to even sniff the playoffs. So here are the only teams I believe have an actual shot to play in the World Series, aka the final round of the playoffs or where the "top 2" teams play it out for the title.
Los Angeles Angels
Boston Red Sox
New York Yankees
Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Minnesota Twins
New York Mets
Florida Marlins
Chicago Cubs
Milwaukee Brewers
Arizona Diamondbacks
Like I said, you can rule out most teams, and even listing 10 teams is a bit of a stretch. I am not stating only 8 of these 10 teams will make the playoffs, but that no other teams have any shot of making the series. Most of these choices should be self explanatory, and if not you can glance here. As for the "odder choices", the Marlins are one of only 4 teams I've seen win 2 titles in my lifetime and they play with grit and pizazz, which is like an impossible combo to achieve. The Twins have close to the wors ballpark, owner, attendance stats, and payrolls in the entire sport, and yet seem to be in contention nearly every season the last few years. Arizona also owns a championship and a few division titles in the last decade, as does St Louis. Milwaukee is just pure talent, a completely loaded team. So there you go. The Chicago White Sox, Philadelphia Phillies, and Los Angeles Dodgers get no respect from me, and they don't deserve it.
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