Pessimism

I was considering compiling a list of who I think the top 10 underrated comedians are, but being negative is just so much easier. 

Top 10 most overrated songs...EVER!

*This does not necessarily reflect the quality of any particular song listed, as I am only stating what I believe to be the group of songs which have the greatest disparity between actual goodness and their respective hype. I'll also try not to let the amount of playtime on radio or my friends' ipods be the only barometers of how regarded these songs are. 

10. "It's the End of the World as We Know It" by R.E.M.

9. "Jump Around" by The House of Pain

8. "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen

7. "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana

6. "Hey Jude" by The Beatles

5. "Under the Bridge" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers"

4. "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin

3. "The Joker" by the Steve Miller Band

2. "Sweet Home Alabama" by Lynyrd Skynyrd

1. "Hotel California" by The Eagles

If things work out this way, I'll kick my own ass

Before the NFL season began, Edmund and I made on a bet on our projected playoff brackets. I won't get into how poorly some of our picks have worked out, but there is one thing on my bracket that totally breaks my heart right now. Predictable as I am, I gave the Cowboys the #1 seed in the NFC and, with the fall of Osi Umenyiora (Remember him? He'll be back), I could only manage to justify the #6 seed for the Giants. This all lead to a juicy rematch of last year's showdown. Yeah, so I kind of picked the Cowboys to win the Superbowl. Sure, the Giants won the division and the Cowboys might not even make the playoffs. But this doesn't change the fact that a Giants-Cowboys game is totally possible and I have an irrattional fear of jinxing New York sports teams.

Maybe I'm just perpetuating the jinx by writing this. Maybe I'm instigating a reverse jinx a la Bill Simmons. All I know is I'll never forgive myself if the Giants fall to the Cowboys in January. With my luck, Tom Brady will probably make a mircaulous recovery and lead the Patriots all the way to a fourth championship. Now I've gone too far.

The title is Happy

I've been struggling with a script for a little while now and one of the big hang-ups right now is the title. I can't find any of my notes so I'm publishing this idea where I can't lose it. So yeah, the title of my unfinished script is Happy. No, it's not a romantic comedy and it will have nothing to do with Matthew McConaughey. Anyway, I'm writing a script called Happy and it should be done some time in the 21st Century. Stay tuned!

If I was a film critic...

I could call Magnolia a symphony of coincidence. Alas, I am but a lowly blogger, so I have to put boundaries on my pretentious, nonsensical ramblings. Maybe I can become a struggling comedian and pull out this gem of a description on I Love The 90s: 2022 Edition. And if you're thinking I Love The 90s won't be around in 2022, then you're neglecting the fact that Michael Ian Black will still be alive and lonely.

Plan B costs $40 too

By special request from one of my 2-4 readers, I've got something to say about condoms. About a month ago I was talking about sex with a friend and she mentioned that her boyfriend uses lamb skin condoms. She swore to me that it's almost like having real, beautiful, unprotected sex. I was sold enough that I actually got to the point where I was prepared to buy myself a box and masturbate with one (you know, for scientific research). What she didn't mention is that they cost $40! You've got to be out your mind if you think I'm about to pay $40 to have sex 12 times. It already costs enough going out for dinner or drinks or whatever else is your preferred method for wooing prospective partners. There is no way I'm going to waste that much extra money to put a barrier between my penis and, um... lady parts. In all honesty, I think I'd rather roll the dice and get a $2 blowjob.

What else are you supposed to do with a name like Zooey?

Man, that Zooey Deschanel really is just about the cutest lady ever. I just watched Elf for the first time the other night and that woman is absolutely adorable. I didn't even mind that silly blond dye job they made her spor. I just want to stay up late with her talking about pop culture and cuddling. That's not to say I wouldn't sleep with her (duh!). She just seems like a really good cuddler. Does this mean I'm going to pay $12 to see Yes Man? Hell no! If I want to seem Jim Carrey playing an everyman having an identity crisis I'll rent Liar Liar.