Friday Entertainment Fun

Normally, this space would be reserved for a weekly review of an upcoming or current movie. Unfortunately I live in an east coast metropolis, and spending $10.50 or 12 dollars or whatever it is in this day and age is a bit steep for yours truly.

Poor timing surely, for evidently this year's Academy Awards features 10 (yes! but why?) best picture nominees, of which I have seen a whopping one. Not this that is particularly out of line for me, as I never say Shakespeare in Love, Chocolat, Million Dollar Baby, Slumdog Millionaire, or any of the yearly favorites. Furthermore, I'm constrained by whatever television channels I get for free, i.e. the networks, CW, Food Network, and I think TLC. Even USA got confiscated. Thus, my knowledge of current trailers is sufficiently limited.

Basically, I have no idea which films are out right now, or what the hotness is these days. Hurt Locker and Precious look like downers. Paul Thomas Anderson doesn't have anything premiering this month. I'm certainly not seeing Valentine's Day. So with the depression associated with not having a new Saw movie ever coming out in the winter, I'm slightly excited about Shutter Island, and its stud of an idol, Leonardo DiCaprio. James tells me that additionally, it is directed by one Martin Scorcese. Thus, the following will be my feeble attempt to tie together both past and present, imitating some semblance of a cinema theme.

My favorite Scorcese films ( if you don't spot an important one, I have either not seen it, or don't care about it much at all)

1. The Color of Money

I honestly had no idea where this film was headed, though perhaps I was unaware of it at the time. One notion is that a pure film, one of complete awesomeness, leaves little time for the viewer to analyze it as it happens. A seemingly simple story, revolving around three mysterious yet overt characters, it is a classic rendition of chasing the American dream while on the road. You can be sure anyone of these people would cross the other at a moment's notice, and yet they all possess and endearing vulnerability shrouded with a veil of toughness and skepticism. The perfect portrayal of an aging American: enough life experience to give off a sense of (perhaps false) authority, yet deep inside they know they can only achieve their goals by living vicariously through another. The problem is when three people are all trying to do that, it might not work out. The soundtrack doesn't hurt either.

2. Bringing Out the Dead

Apparently, Scorcese's interpretation of what he originally wanted Taxi Driver to be (he didn't write the lattter). Yes, it has Nicholas Cage, but damn, this movie is out there. A film that weaves sick cinematography, imperfect characters with unclear motives, and an intertwining of people on the fringes of society is enough for me, as long as it doesn't last 3 hours. I believe this film passionately displayed a distinctly flawed man that happened to have a strong desire to redeem society, without the violence/prostitution/lengthy mirror scenes of Taxi Driver. One of the Arquettes is in it.

3. Casino

The worst thing about this movie is that the main character is supposed to be Jewish, but is instead played by quintessential Italian, Robert DeNiro. Other than that, it is a wonderful 1990's retelling of a culture long gone. A man in seemingly in complete power, yet is constantly used by all of the other characters. I enjoy movies with characters hopelessly hanging on to a fading era in american history, especially those where no one gets what they want in the end.

4. Taxi Driver

This film teeters the line between being out of touch, shovenist, culturally aware, anti-violent, too violent, beautiful, ugly, and incomplete all at once. Yet, from an understand of the characters involved, one can never believe that this story was meant to be completed. Graphically, I believe this film to be mindblowing, even if it looks like claymation personified.

5. The Departed

The Ending was whackness personified. I don't mean the actual plot resolution, but rather the fact that the last 40 minutes of this film seemed completely unplanned. Yes, I understand nearly all of the characters are meant to die, but Matt Damon getting killed seems like a forced "happy ending". Also Mark Walhberg's character became a bit too integral. Basically, it's hard to have a film revolve in no small part around Jack Nicholson, then expect it to have integrity and significance long after his character's impact has faded. Still, a film where Alec Baldwin is incredible and still like the 7th most important character can't be too bad. One could say that females were completely irrelevant in this movie, but then again it's post 1990 Scorcese.

6. Gangs of New York

For a movie this expensive, long, and complex, it sure is rough. Despite being set in Manhattan, it is wonderfully un-Scorcese in many respects, including it's negative portrayal of American nationalism and nativism. Seemingly a standard historical drama, it really did make me look past what was happening on screen, creating a glimpse into a marginalized segment of American Culture. I don't know of too many films set during the Civil War that don't actually feature any Civil Way battles, but this one was a reminder that the effects of war can reach far beyond a setting of conflict. Still, I contend that Scorcese could have gone further with the draft and ignorance towards other cultures metaphor, especially at a time (2002) when this country needed a rude awakening. Despite all this, Daniel Day Lewis may well be the greatest actor of all time. Plus it's got Leo and John C. Reilly.

7. Raging Bull

I have trouble deciding whether this is actually number seven on my list, or whether it is a product of the sensibilities I've encountered the last 10 years. To claim this movie anything less than amazing in the presence of cinemaphiles is tantamount to heresy. Truly, this is a one man character study, but at its finest. A film which makes the audience empathize with a lead character who is in many respects, a total jackass, is fairly strong. Still, I feel like the cinematography may carry this film. While it certainly feels like a movie from thirty years ago (and is), it is one of the least dated of the fabled classics of the 70's and 80's.

8. The Age of Innocence

Woefully boring, and yet without any flaws. I consider this film wonderfully acted, yet extremely vanilla. Scorcese stepped out of his box merely with his choice of novel, but failed in his efforts to challenge either himself or the viewer. I've never read a Jane Austin novel, perhaps he was in some ways doomed from the start.

9. Goodfellas

Vastly overhyped in our both our lexicon and understanding of American films, this is a perfect example of a truly entertaining movie that at a second look, lacks any real substance. It's about Italian-Americans and Mobsters. A film revolving around the threat of violence and peril, and yet one which prevents the audience from truly caring too much about any of the characters.

10. Mean Streets

Edgy, yet passe, exuberant yet dehydrating. You really need to care about pathetic wanna be gangsters to love this film, but despite this, it still managed to convey an understanding of desperation and internal conflict. The audience is able to catch a glimpse into the soul of someone who was born to be a criminal, and yet will never be too successful, a man who can't do much good, yet is resistant to turning himself over to complete evil. To peg this as a clear example of a director's "early work" would be neither unfair nor stereotypical.

If the coffee doesn't get me, the spiders surely will

I've been working on a pretty serious coffee addiction for the last two months. Please note that I say coffee, and not caffeine. If I were one to keep such records, I might be able to argue convincingly that my overall caffeine consumption has decreased since the morning cup turned into the morning pot, turned into I spend too much money at Starbucks, turned into "Wow, I make lattes at home with a french press and a milk foamer" (dismissive masturbatory hand motion).

Living in the suburban metropolis that is Los Angeles, I would regularly find myself buying big gulps of diet coke to get me through the day. Nowadays I'm good with my daily homemade latte and however much caffeine is in my precise method of "Fuck it, three more scoops." Perhaps a diet based around coffee and bananas is enough to fuel the body. Even if it's not, it's a darn sight better than bacon, egg & cheese for breakfast followed by cheeseburgers for lunch.

Maybe the fresh air and constant sunshine has gotten to my head. Or it could be that becoming a responsible "adult" has made me more self-aware and therefore more conscious of the things I put in my body. Whatever it is, I've been noticing an increased dedication to healthy living from myself and those around me. Almost all of my friends have quit smoking (I'm coming up on one year myself). I eat quinoa and chicken breast for dinner with, pssht, vegetables. Who am I? Where are my chocolate fountains and deep fried everything?

What started as an exercise in vanity has turned into a whole lifestyle shift. At first, I just wanted to lose weight and look healthy. Now I want to feel healthy. I suppose it's all part of growing up and/or growing old. At least that's what I keep telling myself. I just hope I don't give up on it when I'm 32 and I have the face the fact that I will probably never be a professional athlete. I think I can live with that as long as I figure out how to dunk.

Bi-Weekly Gripe Wednesday

Personal Gripes:

The guy who lives above me and stomps around yelling at his girlfriend all night, even during the new episode of Lost. And I don't even watch Lost, but damn, that's like booing during a wedding.

People who think they can walk right into me on the sidewalk and expect me to move. Oh no buddy, we are going to bump elbows, and since I'm blogging about this, you better know I'm prepared, thus putting my full weight into said collision.

Idiot hipsters who ride their bikes on the sidewalk. We live in a city that a) has bike lanes on the road, b) has narrow and bumpy sidewalks, and c) was built back during horse and buggy times, so just know there's not room for you jerks and pedestrians. If immigrant delivery guys can ride their bikes on the road while holding two bags of crap in each arm, then so you can you white boy.

Society Gripes:

People who think that letting students take guns to school will somehow reduce gun violence because potential shooters will either be afraid or, as it has been pointed out, themselves be shot as soon as violence is about to ensue. I'm sure a duel between a psycho and someone who doesn't know how to shoot a gun will be better for both our high schools and universities.

People who get paid money to state opinions like I just mentioned.

Republicans, who are doing god knows what these days. I thought it would be amusing to see Republicans squirm and wiggle in trying to convince the public that Obama is somehow terrible, not two years after the worst President in American history left office, but somehow it is not funny. Pathetic? Of course. Weird and nauseating? Sure. I thought there was a limit to the number of problems in our country that could be blamed on welfare and affirmative action, but boy was I wrong. I wouldn't bet against pro-choice advocates being accused of causing the Toyota recall.

68-80 year old white guys run our country. I want to say something snarky like that they are all Fleetwood Mac fans, but they're probably even lamer. If these tools had iPods, they would be filled with Sinatra and Kansas. Oh, and that jerkass who sang American Pie.

Sports Gripes:

If you are a fan of upwards of any of 23 baseball teams, you have no hope to even reach 70 wins in the next decade. This sport blows. I don't care how who wins between the Yankees and Red Sox, and I don't empathize with teams that spend 300 million dollars without batting an eyelash. I got a baseball signed by Mike Mussina when I was seven years old, so clearly I am to blame for him going to New York.

Does anyone care about hockey? I hear soccer get made fun of constantly, but soccer is way better than hockey.

I'm forgetful anyway

One week from today, Lil Wayne will begin his one-year sentence for weapons charges. About three weeks later, T.I. will be released from prison after doing time on similar charges. Has anybody noticed he's gone? It's not like he's had much of a media presence while incarcerated. All he's done is put out two singles and win a Grammy. Lil Wayne is probably sleeping in the studio, laying down guest tracks all day, assuring he won't be forgotten during his stay at Riker's Island. When he's released, it will be like he never left us.

I'm not trying to pass judgment on Lil Wayne, T.I. or any other person, celebrity or otherwise, who lands hirself in jail. Nor am I attempting to marginalize the harrowing experience that a prison term must be. I don't doubt that Michael Vick is a changed man after everything he went through. The question is, do we care?

Religious roots aside, the old adage of "forgive and forget" suggests that people are willing to leave the past behind and allow others to once again prove themselves. But do we forgive and forget or simply forget these days? With so much information at hand, it's not hard to forget why Michael Vick plays for the Eagles. What he did was horrible. But so much has happened since the truth about his dog fighting ring became public. Perhaps I should concentrate more, but there is a seemingly endless selection of ways to educate and entertain myself every minute of every day that it almost seems unreasonable to ask me to remember something that happened three whole years ago. There's so much to do, so much to prioritize. Too many things matter in our daily lives to make us really truly care about whether or not Michael Vick is a reformed man. He's playing football again, so we can forget about his past.

T.I is already working on his next album. With any luck, Lil Wayne will reemerge next year with a prison book and some new ink (if he has any room left on his body). It won't be the last time a celebrity bounces back from a public fallout. That's alright, we probably won't remember this the next time it happens.

Monday Morning Quarterback

Ah, February. The great sports void of the year. A time when faithful fans find themselves burnt out from the rigors and stresses of following their favorite team with a little too much passion and hope, a time when lesser sports fans rejoice that they don't have to hear about football on the local news every second they turn the television on, but most importantly it is a time when the national attention doesn't glare so strongly on a single sport, as it does in April, July, October, or January.

Indeed, February is a black hole in the galaxy that is American sports. Football is over. Baseball hasn't started. Most people don't care about college basketball until March. Nascar's season is too long to have any one central time of interest, even if you could find someone younger than 35 to admit they followed the sport. Golf is two months away from its first Major, and is missing it's meal ticket to boot. Hockey is on a 3 week break, and the NBA is stuck in a lag of being too far away from both the beginning of the season and the playoffs. Evidently, TNT got its first ratings win of the season from the NBA All Star game boost, but when you're the major channel for a professional sport and you haven't defeated the USA Network in a significant time slot for the first 7 weeks of the year, things might not be so glorious.

In the midst of this peril you might think the average male would be forced to debate an issue in their own life or society that doesn't revolve around who the most feared strong safety is, whether or not LeBron will play in New York, whether Jay-Z could make the Nets not terrible, is it possible for anyone to care about hockey, will there be a 5 peat, and if a certain crumpet stuffer will ever get his just dessert. Thus on a Sunday night, smack in the middle of primetime, one can turn on NBC (a supposedly reputable national network) to catch a glimpse of something that comes around as rarely as our presidential elections.

The Olympics.

So much to witness! The United States fighting to improbably win the most gold medals of any country, luge tracks and ski runs which shock with their speed and dangerousness, athletes who the media have chose to represent an entire country of competitors in a fit of soul patches and pseudo bad-ass names. So on a Sunday night, instead of grinding my teeth through the dredge that is American Dad, instead of watching whatever the hell comes on at 10pm on a Sunday, and certainly instead of laughable activities like reading or exercising, I flip over to the Peacock to find the best the world has to over battling for Olympic glory in:

Ice Dancing.

A reevaluation of my priorities might be necessary before I find myself clamoring for baseball.

I wonder if the CW covers equestrian competitions in March. It might be worth checking out.

Come fly with me

Why are so many professional sports teams (as opposed to amateur sports teams?) named after birds? Surely, there must be a more threatening group of creatures in the animal kingdom. Eagles are threatening and all, but I'd rather have to fight an eagle than, say, a baby elephant. There are the 12 bird teams out of a total 122 in the four "major" sports:

Anahiem Ducks

Atlanta Hawks

Atlanta Falcons

Arizona Cardinals

Baltimore Orioles

Baltimore Ravens (To be fair, I came across a couple ravens in Utah and they did not look very friendly at all)

Chicago Blackhawks

Philadelphia Eagles

Pittsburgh Penguins

Seattle Seahawks

St. Louis Cardinals

Toronto Blue Jays

That means sports as a whole consists of 9.8% cowardice. That's not even counting other man-eaters like the California Angels, Buffalo Bills, and Boston Red Sox. Where do these establishments get the audacity to think a city should get behind a bird to represent its biggest, strongest, and fastest? And if the world insists on having avian athletes, where are my New York Pigeons? Nobody likes the Mets anyway.

*Major in quotations because the NHL is one big ball of fail.

Not like this

No one outside of whoever talks about college sports on espn thinks you're good looking Ashley Judd. You're hideous. Who gets shots of fruit punch in their cheeks? There has to be better plastic surgery available. Stop faking like you're doing anything with Haiti, of course you're "content", because why would anyone outside of your inner circle expect anything of you? Go dig some skeletons you rich brunette. I saw your clone outside Raymor & Flanagans.

Referring to Harvard as the "H bomb" does not make it more understandable, middle class, or any kind of relatable. You are somehow making it more snide than it already is, despite the fact that you've never been good in a movie nor in a good movie. Are you actually going to graduate anyway? Thanks for trying to marginalize people who might care about things.

Oh, you advertise you're 41. What's that mean? That you suck for a 41 year old, or 41 year olds are awesome because they don't suck as much as you? No, no. It all makes sense now. You're on television, you deserve attention because you are advertising the 'film' the "Tooth Fairy".

I'm with you. Ship the Oscar now, before you sexually assault a homeless person and I actually feel bad for someone I don't know.

Oh wait, it wouldn't be you: if Ashley Judd did jerk off the corpse of Franco I would sympathize with the spiders nearby that had no choice but to watch the horror.

You're the kind of celebrity that makes people like Taylor Swift.