Maybe I'm a rube after all

Top ten other decades I would want to live in as a 24 year old:

10. 1780's

9. 1980's

8. 1880's

7. 1990's

6. 1800's

5. 1960's

4. 1890's

3. 1950's

2. 1900's

1. 1920's

Good doctor, can I borrow your phone booth?

Generally I feel pretty great about being alive in the year 2009. For the most part, I'm simply pleased to be alive at all, and I try not to forget the awesomeness associated with all the benefits I have: a working body, a brain that I choose to occasionally utilize, both my parents, and of course, a titanium stomach.

Throw in the benefits of this year 2009: internet, a democratic president, ESPN, internet, people becoming slightly more socially conscious, the right to wear orange, and the internet. Things are sweet.

Of course, there are some drawbacks. Sandwiches, for one, have existed for awhile, and I have no reason to believe that their peak in deliciousness is the present day. It could have already happened for all I know. I will also add possibly more important characteristics of contemporary times that I view as partially negative: an increased cancer rate, cell phone, the internet, car accidents, gun violence, rising costs in wheat, dairy, and seafood products, being told not to drink outside or smoke inside, the internet, and perhaps most egregious of all, an incompetent, ignorant, and blood thirsty media.

There are complaints I'm sure you've heard before, like why does the news cover one person's detah for days on end when children die every minute from preventable causes? And beyond that, does the media's obsession over hulman health, fitness, violence, and death really mean they care about it at all? And is there any positive effect or a wealth of knowledge to be gained, or is it pure over-saturation of nonsense? Beyond that, can I even pinpoint who "they" are, or is the whole situation far too clouded to place blame on individuals or those who are actually responsible for the state of media today?

Now don't get me wrong; I realize in many ways, things have improved quite a bit. We don't have elections where Thomas Jefferson is accused of being an anti-tariff, silver hoarding, closest italian paraplegic witch who wants to sell Virgina to the Indians to fund his opium and duck addictions, but by placing the debate in a modern context, we might not be that far off from the days of yesteryear.

Mudslinging is alive and well, but a more dangerous tool has been discovered, the use of code words. If you find that term too extreme, call it something else, but that really only furthers my point. Words that can raise anger from the deepest, darkest points of peoples souls but are so acceptable that the media chooses to repeat them ad-nauseum for months on end with seemingly no conscious recognition of any effect it might have on society.

We may not live in a nation where front page editorials and radio broadcasts repeat terms like nigger lover, cunt, kike, and communist (or whatever else words 18th to 21st centruy bigots use) to deride political candidates and social activists, but sure enough, new words have been invented to take their place, or in many cases, existing words have had their meaning completely changed to fit a subjective and narrow purpose. Think: socialism, liberal, extremism, terrorist, traitor, patriot, hero, evil, legacy, health care, equal opportunity, ironic, and affirmative action.

Many terms, while traditionally possessing either a positive connotation or no real stigma at all, have somehow fallen into hands of people who have no regard for the english language or its effect on civilization. While even the most repulsive of media "pundits", from Sean Hannity to Paula Zahn to Bill Kristol to Mike Wallace to Kathie Lee, (depending on where your allegiances lie) would have far too much to lose by saying any of the previous paragraphs insults on air, the internet has spawned a new format for hate speech, even while your average bigot may keep his/her identity secret while shopping next to you at Target. It goes far beyond words: hate groups continue to expand and organize with the help of the internet, rather than at the expense of it.

Of course on the other hand, the free-flowing of information is making it harder and harder for lies to be perpetuated throughout our country by traditional means, but that doesn't mean people can't change tactics. Perhaps Obama has the internet to thank in large part for his victory last year, but who is to say if John McCain had won, the same wouldn't be true? Aanyone who thinks that 80% of young people these days should be considered "progressive" is fooling themselves. And if you think that modern day media necessarily makes it easier to reason with them, you will gte lmfao'd right out of your pants.

In my next post, I will attempt to continue this rant on media's determination to be somewhat insignificant into a discussion of why Brett Favre isn't a jerk, but everyone (includsing myself I guess) who talks about him is. Plus, NFL picks, and what decades I would most want to live in!

One out of one Kevin Spaceys agree

Here's a quote from Kevin Spacey in an interview about his upcoming film Shrink:

"Cliches are cliches because they're true."

I've been saying this for years and, despite believing in the validity of that statement, have always felt like a bit of a pompous jerk for saying it. Sure, Kevin Spacey is probably a pompous jerk too. But Kevin Spacey is a pompous jerk with credentials. He's bona fide! That means I'm kinda sorta bona fide. I like the spin I put on this one.

In related news, Kevin Spacey making movies again? Look out, adequate middle-aged stars! Suck to be you, Dennis Quaid and Alfred Molina!

Ice Cream Man!

Oh that's right, summer on the east coast. Somehow I force myself to forget about this for about 8 months of the year, and when the bitter cold winds of January sweep down across our rolling hills, lowlying marshes, poignant rowhouses, and archaic trolley track laden streets, it's almost as though summer never existed at all, and may never return. Ah, denial.

It's truly hard for me to come up with positive characteristics of an east coast summer, although my summers of late have been fairly calm, mildly entertaining, and not nearly as stressful as they could be. Perhaps it was for the best that I had viewed so many of my childhood summers as semi-disastrous, nerve-wracking, and breakdown inducing, because for the last several years expectations have been extremely low. Thus an environment is created where I am allowed to think freely, to have my mind unclouded of a small percentage of the huge mass of filth which often hampers its process, and best of all, I can exist without having to constantly appraise the value of my time.

It can be refreshing to be without the grinding urge to force one's time to meet up to the standards of what time's true value should be. On the other hand, with expectations set unreasonably low, it can be difficult to discern whether or not I'm ever accomplishing anything, or if I am ever growing as a person.

I have done fairly well with the online poker racket the last few weeks, though I have actually taken some time off since coming home to visit my parents. I even managed some high finishes in mtt's (as multitable tournaments will henceforth be known), which is about the amount of will I have to make online poker mimick the live gambling situation of Atlantic City, and their not-so-illustrious $50-$200 buy in tournaments. I believe that may get me close to even lifetime for these dreadful things, but I don't really care enough to actually find out. Hopefully this is not as much of a run as a cumulative consequence of time, effort and time put together, and thus by some un set date later in the year I may have accomplished enought to actually blog about poker. Clearly, I'm obligated to say something to the effect of don't count on it, though I don't know if that's because A) I lack confidence, B) it's cool to be cynical and pessimistic, or C) in paying homage to James, I totally don't want to "jinx" anything.

Halfway through the year and I have traveled some, but nowhere close to the extent of my ludicrous goals for the year. Let's check:

Places been:

New York City, New Jersey, Atlantic City (different from New Jersey), Baltimore, Philadelphia, D.C., Charlottesville VA.

Yes, seemingly pathetic; in fact much more so now that I have actually written it down. What an error.

Places I wanted to go at beginning of year:

Las Vegas, Los Angeles, New Caledonia, Verona NY, Henderson NV

Places I want to go now that I can delude myself into thinking are somewhat reasonable:

Atlantic City, New Orleans, Memphis, South America, Canada

Places I want to go that aren't going to happen for one reason or another

South Dakota, Pitcairn Islands, Florida, sandwich factory

This will not do

I'm not sure how this all came about, but there has been an alarming spike in my caucasianness levels during the last few weeks. It all started so innocently. We were about to play poker and, having long believed poker is a game to be played in a hat, I asked to borrow one. TBK insisted on giving me the one I borrowed and just like that I own a Flexfilt hate, the caucasinest of all caps. Worse yet, in an effort to combat the rising temperature here in LA, I've taken to wearing the flip flops that ended up in my possession some time ago. My only saving grace right now is that the flip flops came about as a side effect of my refusal to wear shorts. (Seriously, why would I pay for half a pair of pants? Fuck shorts.) If not for this stubbon(ly brilliant?) policy of mine, I could easily be catching myself in cargo shorts and flip flops... on the beach... drinking PBR? Just kidding, PBR is for hipsters and I'm too poor to pretend I'm poor.

Deal with it

Forgive me for not shutting up about poker, but Phil Ivey just made the final table! Ever since poker became the spectacle it is today, poker fans and players alike have suffered through years of final tables lacking any well-known, marketable players. Now we've got the best player in the world in contention for the biggest prize in poker. And they're not playing until November! This means we get four months of media exposure that poker so desperately needs. Of course, Ivey has already said he plans to change his cell phone number and leave the country, but I'm sure he will come to his senses and realize how great of an opportunity this is for him.

As for the eight other chumps players, you've got the typical smattering of likable but not lovable amateurs, arrogant douchebags* and unknown professionals that only poker players give a damn about. The most notable non-best player on the planet is Jeff Shulman, editor and president of Cardplayer Magazine. Shulman is actually doing his best to make this event half interesting by acting like a total baby. Juvenile antics aside, this will be Shulman's second main event final table this decade, a feat accomplished by only two other men, 1995 Champion Dan Harrington and Mike Matusow. Considering that he runs a popular publication during the day, this makes Shulman kinda sick in poker terms. In addition to this, pokerpokerpoker blah blah does this read like Greek to most of you?

For details on the "November Nine" as ESPN calls them, check out Gary Wise's breakdown here.

* I say douchebags because I am unapologetically judging Eric Buchman on the basis of his being from Long Island.

Mix Bag 7/14

- Not that you care, but the World Series of Poker $10000 World Championship is about to start Day 7. The 6000+ player field has whittled down to just 64 and the remaining players are beginning to see the proverbial light at the end of tunnel, the final table. Although a handful of "name" players are still in contention, all eyes are focused on one man, Phil Ivey. Anybody who knows anything about poker will tell you Phil Ivey is basically god. Since the beginning of the so-called poker boom, Phil Ivey has been the closest thing there can be to consensus best player in the world. If he can pull off a win here, there won't be anything left to debate. I could go on and on, but there are still two days of poker left before the final table is set. Here's hoping I have a lot more to say about Phil Ivey at that time.

- It seems the Ukranian government is not the biggest fan of pornography. I don't have much to say about this except for WTF!? I love the loophole provided by the "for medical purposes" clause. Yeah... you see, uh... I need to masturbate because... I explode if I don't? Remind to leave my laptop at home if I ever go to Ukraine.

- The NFL Over/Unders came out today. Hooray gambling! I haven't had time to look over all of them, but I will confidently say the Denver Broncos will not win 8 games. Hmm, my friends are totally going to Vegas in two days. I might have to put my money where my mouth is on this one.

- I don't have too much else on my mind. Being in LA, there are roughly 36 billion adds for G.I Joe right now. I love how painfully obvious it is that this movie will be the flop of the year. Don't believe me? Check out the trailer at the link below. $50 says Marlon Wayans is stuck with the comic relief black stereotype role. He might even have a catch phrase such as "Dy-No-Mite!" or some modern day equivalent. I'd also be willing to take a sizable loan from a gangster to bet that Dennis Quaid completely phones it in.

GI Joe Trailer

Question of the day

If a cat walked up to you and asked the following:

"Hey I'm a great pet, and I will totally love you and be an awesome friend who doesn't require any shots and very little food"

Would you?

1. Take this cat home and make it part of your life

2. Take this cat to a scientist/veterianiarin/responsible person and report it for being a talking cat

3. Not trust this cat because he/she talks

4. Not trust this cat because he/she is seemingly so needy and/or untrustworthy

5. Other

Parenthood is the shit!

Although I'm surely oversimplifying and/or romanticizing and/or just flat out lying to myself about what parenthood is going to entail, I can't help but get excited about having kids in the future right now. TBK and I went to Toys R Us the other day and our mutual reaction was more or less "ZOMG LOOK AT ALL THE TOYS!" I know kids are a major responsibility that require constant attention, wisdom, money, etc., etc... Fuck that! I'm fairly confident the burden of parenthood is greatly outweighed by the opportunity to play with toys for the better part of a decade.

I think it goes without saying that we all take childhood for granted. Those are precious years that go by in a heartbeat and then, before you even have time to get existential on yourself, you're considered an adult with bills and repressed issues and a grocery list. How great would it be if you had an excuse to play with toys without being labelled as "special" by your peers? Kids are the best excuse ever to set up those Hot Wheels tracks again.

I just blew my mind as I realized there's going to be a whole new generation of toys to discover by the time I have children. Forgot about Nerf and Super Soaker; kids might be playing with full blown lasers in the future. I could totally see some toy that lets kids etch things on the moon with a laser. And I haven't even gotten into traditional things like playing sports and board games with your kids. Oh man, I'm totally coaching little league. What if I only have girls? D'oh!

Elvis has left the building

Sarah Palin has decided to forego the rest of her term as governor of Alaska, and for whatever the true intentions, she has stated her desire not to be a "lame duck".

Sure.

Somehow, I still believe come 2012 (the next presidential election), pundits on the right and the "middle" will still point to Palin's "executive experience", claiming that she, yet again, has more experience running things than Obama. This despite the fact that Palin is leaving in the midst of her first term as governor, time she largely spent traveling outside of Alaska, campaning for HERSELF and john mccain, doing little to boost Alaska's national credibility or that of her own party, which, although this becomes harder and harder to believe as time passes, was once the political affiliation of one Abraham Lincoln.

Aside: Why do Republicans constantly claim they are the party of Lincoln? Well, he is quite famous in the national lexicon, and of course graces both the penny and the 5 dollar bill. But surely there must have been other great leaders of this country who were once Republicans right? Maybe. There's Theodore Roosevelt, who I believe is famous because he is famous, rather than for his accomplishments. He was known to be a staunch environmentalist, and "trust buster" (read: anti big business?), qualities which are long since lost on nearly every single Republican politician still in office today (and probably most Democrats as well). It should be noted that Roosevelt failed to win his own party's nomination for the 1912 election.

There was also Eisenhower, who may most known for despising his vice president, one Richard Milhouse Nixon. Of course, most people know of Nixon, Reagan, Bush, and Bush, but there have been others as well, in fact Republicans own a plurality of American presidents. It's just a shame when your "second tier" consists of names like Grant, Hayes, Taft, Harding, Coolidge, and Hoover, to name a few. So party of Lincoln it is. I am a firm believe that if Lincoln were somehow transmogrified through time as saw what Republicans were doing today, he'd be extremely ashamed, although perhaps he'd have trouble getting over the fact that there were toilets, televisions, cars, airplanes, and a black president.

It kind of reminds me of the first time I got high and declared that per "Jurassic Park", velociraptors couldn't exist today because they would have aneurysms at the first sight of the modern world.

It becomes clearer and clearer that Palin is poising herself for a run at the nation's highest office in 2012, the media having already foolishly declaring her the front runner for the Republican nomination. The things is, she is going to lose. Not because she sucks, not because she's a liar, and not for any truly valid reason, but simply because America's incumbency re-election rate is right up there with Russia and China. Not only have the last 2 presidents "won" their re-election campaigns, but 6 out of the last 8 presidents to attempt re-election have been victorious, dating back to the early 20th century when the modern political process and parties that we have come to know today began to form.

I earnestly believe that the words "youbetcha" and "economy" will be uttered far more than words like "the" "a" and "one" over the next 3 years. Whether or not there are people out there who will actually revel in that, I do not know.

Really Chrysler? Can we have a safer name?

The Chrysler Crossfire. Really?

Don't people usually get killed "in Crossfire"?