This will not do

I'm not sure how this all came about, but there has been an alarming spike in my caucasianness levels during the last few weeks. It all started so innocently. We were about to play poker and, having long believed poker is a game to be played in a hat, I asked to borrow one. TBK insisted on giving me the one I borrowed and just like that I own a Flexfilt hate, the caucasinest of all caps. Worse yet, in an effort to combat the rising temperature here in LA, I've taken to wearing the flip flops that ended up in my possession some time ago. My only saving grace right now is that the flip flops came about as a side effect of my refusal to wear shorts. (Seriously, why would I pay for half a pair of pants? Fuck shorts.) If not for this stubbon(ly brilliant?) policy of mine, I could easily be catching myself in cargo shorts and flip flops... on the beach... drinking PBR? Just kidding, PBR is for hipsters and I'm too poor to pretend I'm poor.