Thursday, August 27, 2009

Lebron James should stay in Cleveland for his whole career


Lebron James should be a Cav for life. Great sports town. Great coach. In that town he is truly KING James. No one else will have an offer good enough for him this summer either... especially not the KNICKS. Why would he go to my beloved hometown? To rebuild with (maybe) Nate Robinson and (hopefully) David Lee? As the CG lizard says, "NO WAAAYYY!"

Yes, Shaq will be useless in a couple years (sorry big man, I love you, but you're gonna be 80 soon). Yes, Delonte West is out of his mind (http://tinyurl.com/lrqsrc). Yes, they have 2 starting centers for no reason. Yes, Varejao is goofy and obnoxious. BUT, this team has a chance to be very very good. And why would Lebron ditch what he's given birth to? For more media and more fame? If he's smart, he'll realize: winning=$ ... and he'll stay in Ohio.



Friday, August 21, 2009

Preseason Means Everything





I don't really mean that, but that in itself means very little. Just because one year preseason shows no trends for understanding playoffs, doesn't mean another year has to replicate it right?

The American Football Conference is a harsh, yet inviting midwife-always providing a strong and passionate effort, but remaining firm and sterile throughout the distress. Apparently, New England is a near-consensus pick to win the AFC Championship, or at the very least enter the playoffs as the conference's number one seed. The Patriots have done this before, making and winning the Super Bowl of 2001, only not miss out on the playoffs the next year, beating an AFC east rival in the final game of the season, only to lose the division's only playoff spot to a third AFC foe on tiebreakers. Bellicheck claims Brady played much of that season injured, nevertheless, the Patriots won the super bowl the following year, dashing a very rare hope for defending the title in Tampa Bay.

On a different note, the Pittsburgh Steelers are this year's defending champions. It is extremely difficult to win even consecutive conference crowns, but the Steelers seemed to have upgraded in the Cowher-Tomlin transition, and it doesn't hurt when 98% of the league's referee's are from Pennsylvania. I'm just kidding, and maybe mesmorized by how their season always seems to rely on a steady stream of close plays going their way. Plus running out the clock, of course. They are going to need a better running game than last year to have a shot. Wait, they play 4 games against teams from Ohio. Never mind.

The San Diego Chargers are supposed to be good ever year.

Here are some picks:

AFC EAST
1. New England Patriots
2. Buffalo Bills
3. Miami Dolphins
4. New York Jets

All the time I hear, this division is so tough. Take the Patriots out and what do you have? In order according to my picks: the Bills haven't made the playoffs since the Taft administration, though I do remember my elementary school gym teacher adored them to no end, and had his office smothered with the team's posters. After that last super bowl, they were on the wrong end of the Music City Miracle, and haven't done much since. I thought the Jets would forever go 9-7 and lose the first play off game, until they found a way to be worse. The only time the Dolphins have been to the Super Bowl during my lifetime was in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.Kellen Clemens has a chance to be good. They probably still won't be letting him play long, and they might even just be looking at this season as a building block. I guess with the volatility of the coaching profession, you can't really do that, but c'mon. It's not happening. Sanchez isn't pulling a Matt Ryan, and I'd be surprised if they have a voarcious defense.
The Bills will be better than you think. Even though their name and mascot are really befuddling, Terrell Owens will not make them worse. At the very least, I think it's clear they've been on a very gradual upswing. I'm not saying they'll make the playoffs, but the #6 seed will be within at least 2 games. They get the Jets, Dolphins, and Patriots all at home after November 28th. Miami cannot sustain itself on the wildcat formation for the entire season, and this year they plays Pittsburgh, San Diego, Indianapolis, plus the NFC South teams. No playoffs!

AFC NORTH
1. Baltimore
2. Pittsburgh
3. Cincinnati
4. Cleveland

I think the Steelers will end up at about 11-6, under the prsumption of a split with the Ravens, sweeping the Bengals and Browns. They have some cakewalks-like the Raiders, Chiefs, and Lions, but also some games which could prove of some challenge, against the Chargers, Broncos, Titans, Dolphins, Packers, and Bears.The Ravens play the exact same 4 non conference teams as the Steelers, and I believe they match up better. I think they matchup well with the Chargers, but haven't had as much success in recent games against the Steelers and Colts. They do have Ed Reed, and a complete core of solid defenders. I wouldn't assume the Ravens would drop any to the Ohio teams either, but am looking forward to the regular season matchup against the Patriots.The Bengals play in Cincinnati.The Browns play in Cleveland.

AFC SOUTH
1. Indianapolis Colts
2. Houston Texans
3. Jacksonville Jaguars
4. Tennessee Titans

The Colts have the best NFL record for the last decade. They lost the division last year with a 12-4 record. Criticisms of the Colts remain, as can be said about any successful team. Marvin Harrison has a brilliant career, but Anthony Gonzalez will be a superior receiver in the 2009 season. Joseph Addai is oft underrated, yet question linger about the defense. Giving up over 300 yars to Darren Sproles in an overtime playoff game will do that. The Colts may be suspect at the cornerback and with some linebackers, but they will have a surprisingly good defensive line this year. Sanders and Vinitieri have injury issues, but Gary Brackett and Antoine Bethea return.Houston is just waiting to burst out. They won 5 of their last 6 games in 2008, finishing 8-8, with two losses to the Colts totaling merely 7 points. The defense is so overlooked, it's ridiculous. Maybe not ridiculous, but it could be solid, and combined with an explosive offense, I believe at least 10 wins to be just over the horizon. Is that enough to grab a wild card spot? This isn't the NFC we're dealing with.
Jacksonville always plays division opponents very tough, and that can get you somewhere. To a third place finish, to be more specific. The Jaguars also get to play the Jets, Browns, Chiefs, 49'ers, and Rams. Juicy!It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know the Titans won't be matching last year's success. Chris Johnson needs to be ridiculous for them to have a chance at grabbing the division crown again, as the playoffs showed what happens when they matchup against a hard hitting defense.I expect teams to be scoring over 21 points against Tennessee a bit more often this year.

AFC WEST

1. San Diego Chargers
2. Kansas City Chiefs
3. Denver Broncos
4. Oakland Raiders

This division blows. Not only has it recently had, arguably, 2 of the 5 worst teams in the NFL, it occasionally holds the 1st (or 32nd) team in its midst fairly frequently. Denver can't stop giving up touchdowns, and now they might not be able to score any. Their schedule is insanely hard, and though I do think Kyle Orton can have a good year (partly given his excellent receivers), the Broncos could very well finsih 4th in this division. And you know the Raiders won't have a winning record.I like Norv Turner. People sure are hard on him. And Frankly, since when did making the playoffs in San Diego become a minimum requirement? I say they are poised to prove themselves overrated this season, but they finish 8-8 last year. A 9-7 record will be a lock for this division, and they might not need that many.
The Chargers need to score points to win though, and they may well have running back issues. Kansas City will be much improved, and look out for the highlight hogging, touchdown-laden combo of Cassel-Bowe. If they can avoid giving up 54 points to the Buffalo Bills two years running, it won't be extremely difficult to improve on a 2-14 record. They got the offensive coordinator from last year's super bowl runner up Arizona, who I'm certain is capable of figuring out how to grab 3 or 4 division wins. Kansas City also plays the AFC teams who finsished 4th (last) in their respective divisions in 2008. The most recent AFC west team to make the super bowl was actually Oakland, 7 years ago. They lost. I am not enthused about a division struggling to not be the worst in the NFL.

Playoff teams (in order of seeding): Indianapolis, New England, Baltimore, San Diego, Pittsburgh, and Houston.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Srsly!?




WTF, bears? Stop being hopelessly adorable and go fight a shark or something.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

WOAH!

Prone to talk to myself as I may be, it's rare I see something on the internet worthy of an exclamation beyond my usual mumbles. I just yelled the title of this post to an empty room. Michael Vick just signed with the Eagles. I've got a million different thoughts about this going through my head right now and I have to go out and have a life, so I won't have much to say on this until tomorrow. For now, my inner monologue keeps saying to me, "Mmmm yeah, that should fuck things up real good in Philly. BWAHAHAHA! Go Giants!"

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

A Storm Looms

Our country is now less than a month away from what I deem to be its proudest tradition, the epitomy of competition, disappointment, and ruthless capitalism: the NFL!

I was originally just going to pick the potential playoff teams, but instead I believe I will attempt to rank every division. However, I will not be predicting the winners and losers of the playoffs, as that is 1) difficult, and 2) inconsequential to the excitement of the beginning of the year, when even Raiders fans can convince themselves to be excited.

Over the last 3 seasons, 7, 6, and 7 of the previous year's playoff teams missed out on the postseason the following season. I do not expect this trend to stop, and frankly I think it would be silly to expect fewer than 4 or 5 of last year's playoff teams to miss out this year, especially considering the quality of teams that made it in the 08/09 season. Specifically, the NFC South hasn't had a single team make the playoffs in back to back years in quite some time.

Heading the list of teams that rank highest on the list of NOT returning to the playoffs are Miami, Philadelphia, Carolina, Tennessee, Indianapolis, Minnesota, Arizona, and Atlanta. Teams I beliebve might be on the upswing are Green Bay, Washington, New Orleans, San Francisco, Buffalo, and Houston. Not to say they will make the playoffs, but I think these teams have a chance of achieving a better record.

Without further ado:

NFC EAST:

1. New York Giants
2. Washington Redskins
3. Dallas Cowboys
4. Philadelphia Eagles

Once again, the NFC East is poised to put 2 or 3 teams into the playoffs. It certainly will be difficult for the Giants to repeat their recent success, but it's also tough to bet against a team that's made the playoffs this many years running. Simply put, it's their division to lose. The Cowboys are a bit of a unpredictable quality. I certainly expect both them and the Redskins to improve on last year's records, but both times will again rely heavily on their running games, with each team lacking deep passing threats. Good quarterbacks, but a weak receiving core plague these teams, aside from their respective tight ends, who are both quite good. The Eagles will suck. Despite having one of the best running backs in history, their passing game, coaching, offenseive line, defense and special teams are all suspect in my opinion. The Eagles will have a losing record. I should note all 4 of these teams play the AFC West, which will certainly provide a boost.

I believe the difference lies in the schedule, as these teams are capable of beating each other head to head. The Redskins have road games against Oakland and Detroit, while getting Denver, Tampa Bay, and New Orleans at home. As they finished last in the division last year, they get to play last place teams this season. Dallas, on the other hand, must travel to Green Bay, Denver, and New Orleans. I could go more into detail here, best rest assured there is a clear distinction the difficulty of their respective schedules. Road games at Chicago, Atlanta, San Diego, and San Diego will be too much for the Eagles to overcome.

NFC NORTH:

1. Green Bay Packers
2. Chicago Bears
3. Minnesota Vikings
4. Detroit Lions

Goodness, this division sure does blow for one that has so many famous teams. This division plays all the AFC North teams, which pretty much means nothing, as Pittsburgh and Baltimore are almost certain losses, while Cincinnati and Cleveland are expected victories. Here, I look to see which team has the highest ceiling for improvement, and that appears to be Green Bay, with star receivers, an improving quarterback, and an underrated running back in Ryan Grant. Minnesota is going to have some serious problems, as teams will completely sell out against the run.

I think Chicago will make a concerted run at the division title, with a new quarterback and probably the 2nd best running back in the division. Still, they never seem to put it all together, getting blown out by good teams, losing close games, and out of all the contenders, they are the most likely to drop a game or two to cellar dwellers. Don't discount the quality of Aaron Rodgers, the Packers' home field advantage, or the fact that they are further out of the shadow of Brett Favre than last year. I believe the Lions might actually surprise people and grab 5-8 wins this year, but to believe them to have a shot at the playoffs is overly optimistic. I wouldn't expect the wild card to come out of the NFC North.

NFC SOUTH

1. New Orleans Saints
2. Atlanta Falcons
3. Carolina Panthers
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

I earnestly believe this is the most improved division in football over the last 5 years, with the possible exception of the AFC South. With a slew of games versus the NFC East, we will have tangible evidence if these teams' recent success is flukish or not. Again I repeat that no team has made the playoffs two years in a row from this division in several years. It seems clear to me that Carolina is on a downswing, and will rely heavily on their talented running backs and shaky defense. It's very possible that they lose their close games this year, falling to a losing record.

Even with the apt criticisms of the Saints past performances, I believe them to be the best team in this division. Any slight improvement in defensive play will shoot them to at least 10 wins. It's hard to argue with a team that seems to score over 30 points a game, they have one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL, a good coach, and a waiting to breakout running back in Pierre Thomas. Their style is well suited for dome play, and there's not a single team in the division they can't beat. Remember, the Saints finished 4th last year which means Redskins, Rams, and Lions this year. Add in games against Buffalo, the Jets, and Miami, and it is welcome to flavor country. Simply put their better than the other 3 NFC South teams.

Watch out for THE BURNER. Unfortunately for the Falcons, there's not much else to watch out for. They clearly played far past their ability last year, and it seems difficult to see Roddy White having the same kind of season. Matt Ryan is good, but not great, much of his hype had to do with being a rookie. They have a defense which could crumble and questionable coaching. 10 wins is the ceiling, but that's not winning this division.

In Tampa Bay there are talks of Luke McCown starting at quarterback. A 4-12 season awaits.

NFC WEST

1. Seattle Seahawks
2. Saint Louis Rams
3. San Francisco 49'ers
4. Arizona Cardinals

The order of teams 2-4 is failr irrelevant, as there is 0% chance the wild card comes out of this division. When the bottom three teams all finsih with some combination of 7-9 through 5-11, don't scream at me about the order being wrong. This division seems up for grabs, and there certainly is parody, but in a divison of forgetten victories, scrappy dreams, old quarterbacks, and silly defenses, it all comes down to logic.

There is no historical proof or even realistic evidence to support the idea that St Lous or the 49'ers can suddenly make the dance. Arizona only went 9-7 last year, and that was in this division! If Kurt Warner gets inured, do you know who plays quarterback? Do you? It won't be pretty.

For the Seahawks, Matt Hasselback is one of the most underrated quarterbacks in the league and they still have receiving threats. Perhaps the three biggest reasons I picked the Seahawks are that they do know how to win, they have a terrifically soft schedule, and they are nasty at home. Just unbelievable. The biggest home field advantage in football, bar none.

So who makes the playoffs then? Well clearly the 4 division winners top the list. As for the wild card, it's a bit more difficult, but I am going to have to go with the Chicago Bears and Washington Redskins as the #5 and #6 seeds. The Redskins have historically found ways to lose games when it seemed like it couldn't happen, but the Cowboys just flat out suck in any game of even partial relevance. No matter how bad they beat up on the Cleveland Browns, you shouldn't believe what Troy Aikman says. He's a republican.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Only the beginning

Good god, football starts in three days! I know it's only preseason, but with a wait this long, a sports void so vacant, the return of football is the day I feel I have officially survived the doldrums of a baseball-centric summer. I haven't given much thought to preseason predictions yet, but I am ready to put one out there: Mike Singletary (49ers) will win Coach of the Year.

I won't give you much in the form of evidence because I think coach Singletary speaks for himself.




That there is man speak! (Chugs Keystone Light, crushes can on forehead) Inspirational coaching to the max! Seriously though, if that man can't get an up-and-coming team to get its shit together, I don't know why I should bother admiring football players.

P.S: He also pulled down his pants in the locker room to prove a point last season. EXTREME!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Big Pimpin

Remember those US journalists who got arrested for reporting on the North Korean border and got sentenced to 12 years hard labor? Thats okay, neither did I. But this did in fact happen, and I got reminded of it by way of Bill Clinton acting like the big swinging dick of world politics that he will always be. Check it out:


Keep hustlin, keep flowin, Mr. President.