The Triforce

Gripes of the Day:

1. People who interrupt you and say, "Oh my god! I love that song! That fuckin song is awesome!"

Yes, I am aware. That's why I just mentioned it, or better yet, that's why we are listening to it right now. You really don't have to reiterate exactly what I just told you 2 seconds ago. Also, don't drown out a song to talk about your feelings about said song, especially when those feelings are really just an increasingly loud repetition about how you love it. Also, being one of 98 million fans of a song that's had radio play every day for the last 13-41 years. The only human worse than someone who yells about loving The Red Hot Chili Peppers "Under the Bridge" is the person next to them who gets excited that they share the same view about that song.

Conversely, I rarely find a complaint about any song to be irritating. You might think that proclaiming a Nickelback, Limp Bizkit, Eagles, or Korn song to be awful would border on being obnoxious because of its obviousness, but then I find people who still like this music. There's a fan of every band out there. I have an itching desire to turn this into a rant about how much the Steve Miller Band sucks, but I think that would be too negative and downright extraneous.

2. Tiny dogs that have clothes on them. Notice I don't say 'dogs who wear clothes' because that would demonstrate a fundamental misunderstanding of the ambitions of dogs. People choose to put clothes on pets, they do not dress themselves.

3. People who ask me to bum them a cigarette when we are walking down the sidewalk in opposite directions. Even more surprising, they do this when I am not smoking a cigarette! I cannot comprehend why you, the person walking straight down a sidewalk, not aimlessly stumbling around in typical mooch fashion (which is exactly what I did when I used to smoke-if the shit ever hit the fan and I made the leap to asking random strangers for a cigarette, I put my all into it and asked almost every person within my 12 radius, because the point is I wanted to smoke) is asking me, the person walking in the opposite direction even faster than you, to stop and give you a cigarette which you have no obvious reason to even believe I may have.

Is my face that haggard that you assume me to be a smoker? Is it my disheveled hair+beard? Perhaps you're such a fan of my wardrobe that you know me to be the kind of person that has the money to buy the nice smokes, no Kools, Mavericks, or USA Gold for me! Clearly, despite my frenetic pace, these people know I usually have nowhere important to go, but even losers have to go home and poop sometimes. I should start walking around and asking people if they have any chess pieces I can borrow. Or maybe tangerines. Even #2 pencils, or a mini container of Ben and Jerry's. Essentially I need to ask for any product a stranger could fit on their person, as long as there is no evidence to suggest they either have or would be willing to give it to me.