AFC East
1. New England Patriots
2. Miami Dolphins
3. Buffalo Bills
4. New York Jets
Boy, that Tom Brady sure looks healthy again. And Randy Moss sure is the perfect receiver to go with him. Fuck my life. The Pats are preseason favorites to win it all and it's hard to argue with that right now.
AFC North
1. Pittsburgh Steelers
2. Baltimore Ravens
3. Cincinnati Bengals
4. Cleveland Browns
The Steelers and Ravens will once again beat the snot out of each other and the rest of the league. I think the Bengals and Browns can both improve this year, but neither team is anywhere near the playoff picture.
AFC South
1. Indianapolis Colts
2. Tennessee Titans
3. Houston Texans
4. Jacksonville Jaguars
It's hard to see the Titans staying on top with Kerry Collins under center for a full season and Albert Haynesworth gone for that ridiculous contract (7 years, $100 million) from the Redskins. I like the Texans as an improving team, but Matt Schaub is on the verge of getting the permanent injury prone label. If/when he goes down, so does the Texans' season. Oh, and Peyton Manning is kind of a genius. Look for the Colts to exceed expectations and make another serious run at a Super Bowl. Will it be Peyton's last chance?
AFC West
1. San Diego Chargers
2-4. Who gives a fuck?
How many key Chargers players have to go down before this isn't a lock? Two? Three? Philip Rivers takes over this year and makes a run at his first MVP trophy.
AFC Wild Cards: Ravens, Titans
I didn't want to pick the Titans here, but they get in based on their easy schedule (AFC East and NFC West) and my belief that there is a major drop off in the AFC after the top five teams.
NFC East
1. New York Giants
2. Philadelphia Eagles
3. Washington Redskins
4. Dallas Cowboys
Am I the only person not buying all this Eagles hype? What exactly makes them favorites in the NFC? Is it Andy Reid's refusal to run the football combined with his inability to manage the clock? Is it that they still don't know how to convert on third down? Perhaps it's the aging defense and injury plagued training camp? McNabb and Westbrook have enough talent to get this team to the playoffs, where they will once again come up short. I'll hold back my other opinions on this division for now because I will have plenty to say as the season progresses. GO GIANTS!
NFC North
1. Green Bay Packers
2. Minnesota Vikings
3. Chicago Bears
4. Detroit Lions
I figure Brett Favre is good to lose about 1.5 games completely on his own. Everybody kept saying the Vikings were a QB away from Super Bowl contention. The Vikings are still a QB away from Super Bowl contention. I think Chicago is heading in the right direction with Jay Cutler, but give it a year before everything comes together. Despite my doubts about Ryan Grant as a feature back, the Packers have enough talent and a good coach to get back on top and officially rid themselves of Brett Favre. OOOOOO! It sure will be interesting to see if a Packer can break one of Favre's brittle, brittle bones. I won't exactly shed a tear if it goes down that way.
NFC South
1. Atlanta Falcons
2. New Orleans Saints
3. Carolina Panthers
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
As much as I love Drew Brees and his bro scar, he can't carry that team alone. If Reggie Bush gets his shit together and finds a way to have a couple 100 yard RUSHING games, I will eat crow here. For now, it's all about Matty Ice, whatever Michael Turner's nickname is and whoever the hell else plays for Atlanta.
NFC West
1. Seattle Seahawks
2. Arizona Cardinals
3. San Francisco 49ers
4. St. Louis Rams
Kurt Warner is 38. I'm willing to bet against Arizona based on that single piece of information. The Seahawks rally behind Matt Hasselbeck to bring this division back to glorious mediocrity. Bonus points to the division if Mike Singletary drops his pants again.
NFC Wild Cards: Eagles, Saints
Expect to see a ton of teams contending for the Wild Card late in the season. Should make for some interesting action around the league. I'm picking Philly and New Orleans because they're the best two teams in the mix, but small changes of fortune can swing this in all sorts of directions.
Best Record: Pittsburgh Steelers
Best Record (NFC): New York Giants
Worst Record: Oakland Raiders
Team Most Likely to finish 8-8: Buffalo Bills
AFC Sleepers: Houston Texans
NFC Sleepers: San Francisco 49ers, Washington Redskins
First coach fired: Jack Del Rio (Jacksonville Jaguars)
Soon followed by: Wade Phillips (Dallas Cowboys), Marvin Lewis (Cincinnati Bengals), John Fox (Carolina Panthers)
Fired at the end of the year: Dick Jauron (Buffalo Bills), Brad Childress (Minnesota Vikings)
Fired if they miss the playoffs: Sean Peyton (New Orleans Saints), Andy Reid (Philadelphia Eagles)
Coach of the Year: Already addressed
Will Michael Vick be significant? NO
Will TO cause trouble in Buffalo? NO
Does anybody care about TO anymore? Only if you live in Buffalo
Will a Bengals player get arrested this year? You betcha!
Comeback Player of the Year: Osi Umenyiora (New York Giants)
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Percy Harvin (Minnesota Vikings)
Defensive Rooke of the Year: Fuck if I know
Offensive Player of the Year: Tom Brady (New England Patriots)
Defensive Player of the Year: Ed Reed will destroy us all!
MVP Runners-up: Tom Brady, Philip Rivers (San Diego Chargers), Peyton Manning
MVP: Adrian Peterson (Minnesota Vikings)
Least Valuable Player: Brett Favre
NFC Championship: Giants vs. Falcons
AFC Championship: Chargers vs. Colts
Super Bowl 44 A.K.A the Obama Bowl!: Giants vs. Colts
Winner: The Indianapolis Colts win the Manning/Obama Bowl! Peyton out-pouts Eli for all the glory.
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