Mail Time!

Dear Old woman who comes to the dog park without a dog,

You can't bring a laundry cart full of magazines and snacks and then get upset when the dogs show interest in said cart. People take their dogs to the dog run so they can run free and smell whatever the hell they want. I thought it was well understood that when you enter the dog run, you are relinquishing your right to be hypersensitive about dogs. If all you want to do is sit on a bench and read there are literally hundreds of benches throughout the park where you can do that without worrying about unleashed dogs smelling your precious AARP magazines. "But then I won't get to see dogs," you might retort. I assure you that the dogs in the park do not appear out of thin air. If you sit on one of the benches at the entrance to the park, I promise you will get your fix of dog sightings. If you want to actually interact with the dogs, might I suggest you leave the cart at home and bring a tennis ball. If you don't have the budget for a tennis ball I'm sure a stick will be just fine. Dogs aren't very smart. They will be easily fooled by anything dangling from your hand.

Sometimes you just sit there and read magazines. As I have already explained, there are more suitable options if you have no interest in dogs. It seems to me that going to the dog park only adds inconvenience to your day. Wouldn't it make more sense to go where the dogs won't interrupt your reading? Who goes to the dog park just to be bothered? Perhaps you just want to stand out. That's not just awkward, it's kinda sad. 

This idea that you just want attention kind of makes sense to me. After all, for somebody who doesn't own a dog, you seem to be overly concerned with enforcing the rules. I know the rules state nobody can bring more than four dogs, but please stop complaining about this. They shouldn't do it, but those guys are working and need to keep the dogs busy. They might bring too many dogs to the park, but you bring too little. Zero to be exact. And why do you always seem to pick on my boss and never that creepy bald guy with all the mean dogs? Is it because he looks like a neo-Nazi? Because he totally does. Still, you weird me out more than he does. And trust me, something is definitely off with that guy.

Hoping you find whatever it is you're looking for,

James