I need a piston

But I don't have a car.

I think some type of 60's Cadillac is my dream car, but if I don't know for sure, can it really be considered a "dream" car? At any rate, it's definitely not a Mustang.

Parallel parking a boat of a Cadillac would be a real bitch. Still, I think it would be worth it. Imagine the kudos one would receive from onlookers after squeezing a huge ship in between a couple Priuses in Midtown. I am so unsure about the plural of Prius, and I refuse to look it up. Clearly parking on a sidewalk that still has the kinda rounded curbs so you can get up on them a little is key. I hope you can picture this in your mind.

Also, driving such a car while being a white guy who doesn't wear skull caps or throwback Portland Trailblazers jerseys would be pretty swell. I've never been through a car wash before, but I think having a cruiser like this would be a good opportunity. Obviously I'm trying to fit as many naval metaphors in this post as possible, without being too disgusting. Also, I think I should be commended for not using the phrase, "I'd like to pop my car wash cherry".

I am glad that James wrote about all the positives to come out of watching the NBA finals, his resentment for Isiah Thomas aside. As for myself I'm skipping the whole mess. The only thing to make it worthwhile for me would be if Ray Allen only attempted shots from half court, made all of them, and drew 6 charges on Kobe Bryant (who, while incredible and pretty likable, whines far too much).

I still don't think it would be satisfying unless after the series Kobe is quoted saying,
"Yep. He got game."