I will however, try to exclude from my reasoning whether or not I had a good time while I was there, as well as the reputation of the particular state.
After that, I will list the states I haven't been in order of my desire to go. States that I have only visited within the constraints of an airport will slip into the have not been list.
The Best:
1. Maryland---So many terrains! Mountains, cities, oceans, rivers, swamps, suburbs, it's all within a few hours. The second best seafood I've ever have, and a healthy mix of rude urbanites, down to earth youth, and kind rednecks. Baltimore is also my 2nd favorite city in the country. A strange mixture of self-deprecation and reassuring confidence assures that the middle rules the state, probably because social advancement is obstructed by an insistence on drinking a variety of shitty, cheap beer. The sprawl of suburbs may spell cultural doom for part of the state, but at least some jackass is making money from it.
2. Virginia---Northern Virginia might be the worst place in America, but the rest of the state is beautiful. Also, things are cheap. Not Brooklyn cheap, but actually affordable. Generally everything near the Chesapeake Bay watershed is fairly awesome, with the exception of most of the people. Far more progressive than many of it's northern counterparts.
3. Louisiana---I went through it when I was little, but since forgot. A somewhat recent trip to New Orleans made me certain it is the coolest city I've ever been to. Maybe one of the only places left where you can hear good live music at a bar without the presence of complete toolbags or an air of false superiority. In New Orleans, you can smoke inside, drink outside, get incredible food for less than 5 dollars and gamble all in one establishment. The people are nice, removed of the mandatory bitterness which plagues lifelong residents of the east coast I am under the impression the rest of the state has some deep social problems, but also an upside as well.
4. Texas---Far less redneck than society would have you believe, numerous big cities and a huge and diverse countryside. The people possess a different perspective than the rest of the nation, though it's hard to pinpoint what it is. Great food. Women who like sports. Home of some of the most brilliant artists in American history.
5. New York---Pros: New York City, and a casino 6 hours away where you can gamble at the age of 18. Also, Rochester seemed kinda cool. My dad tells me far up north is gorgeous. Cons: Donald Trump, Poughkeepsie, Binghamton, Verona, people who live 20 minutes outside of the city but say they're from "upstate", middle class Long Island, upper class Long Island, the Village, hot trains, the metro-north, Jeffrey Mayer, Times Square, Jets fans, and an unyielding power to cause every white person to believe it's the coolest conversation piece ever and tell you they've lived there if they've ever spent more than 6 consecutive days in the city.
6. Pennsylvania---So many Cracker Barrels. An infinite array of interstates. My girlfriend. Philadelphia. Mike Mussina. How something so close to New Jersey could still have any beauty and amount of pleasant people is beyond me. It's far less crappy than I thought it would be.
7. California---Not as cool as the world thinks. Still somewhat unique. A state this big is just bound to have cool and whack sections, but at least the cities have a distinctly different feel than those on the east coast. Awesome hills/mountains close to the ocean, and the most casinos of any state in the country. Everyone thinks they are the coolest, even if they still where Jnco jeans and eat at Chipotle. They also have an utter refusal not to believe each person is more unique than the next, despite the fact that they listen to Green Day, Dave Matthews Band, or Jack Johnson.
8. New Jersey---If NJ didn't have Atlantic City, it would plummet even further. Still, the northwest section of the state is ridiculously awesome, and as far removed from the national stereotype of this state as it can be. That being said, man the stereotype is so apt. If you're a total douchebag, don't feel like being in shape, making sense, treating anyone with an appropriate amount of respect, choosing between liking Philly or New York sports teams and can't get a date anywhere, move to New Jersey. You won't be allowed to pump your gas and you can listen to inane stories about how towns 15 minutes away from each other are so different.
Great bagels-in many cases, superior to New York City's.
9. Delaware---It's close enough to Maryland and Pennsylvania to be an acceptable amalgamation of both. Not terrible, not really unique, unless you count a lack of uniqueness as a sign of originality. It's known as the 1st state for a reason. Have you ever seen the Delaware bit from "Wayne's World"? Totally apt.
11. Nevada---I've been to Reno and it's dumb. I went to Vegas and the Hoover Dam when I was 17. A statewide insistence on being libertarian, though I kinda think to most people that just means acting like a jackass and being able to defend it with a paltry understanding of said political affiliation.
12. North Carolina---I've only been to one part of the state since the age of 6. It's kinda nice. Cigarettes are $2.50. Feel how you like about that. I've heard the western part of the state is peaceful, and Charlotte is quickly becoming one of the biggest metropolises in the nation. Once while tripping, I called it a 'financial whirlwind' despite having never been there. Still one of my finest moments.
13. Rhode Island---Honestly, If I spent more time in West Virginia, I have a feeling I'd bump it ahead of Rhode Island. To be fair, being geographically stuck between Massachusetts and Connecticut means this state never really had a chance. Still, how does Providence not have a pro sports team? The following small and in some cases, lesser known cities have them (and even Hartford used to have a hockey team): Portland, Memphis, Nashville, Milwaukee, Green Bay, Salt Lake City, Jacksonville, New Jersey, Orlando, Buffalo, Indianapolis, Oklahoma City, and Sacramento. Seriously! Green Bay and Sacramento? And Buffalo has 2! Rhode Island is doing something wrong.
13. West Virginia---I've only been to the towns closest to Maryland, and I was noticeably unimpressed. It's like a watered down version of the West Virginia sterotype in those area. Oh, once I went to a resort with my Granddad deeper in the state and it was great, but it's no representation. I did have a really awesome roommate from Charleston, which is possibly more cosmopolitan than people think. I hear Morgantown's (home of WVU) streets flow with vomit though. Also people from Maryland go there to gamble, thus ensuring their money goes towards corruption in a different state. I know nothing of the middle of the state, and despite the unending jokes, I feel most Americans have about the same level of knowledge as me.
14. Massachusetts---Oh boy, does this place suck. It's known for having pretty leaves in the fall. Seriously? That's what it's known for. And really, I think Vermont is better known for that. What a terrible category to be famous for being 2nd in. Boston is an awesome city for about 20 minutes, but not necessarily the 1st 20 minutes. You never know when that really sweet 20 minutes will come by, and to get there you have to deal with the largest, most unfathomable, illogical wave of crappiness this side of The Santa Clause. Loud, mean people, terrible sports fans, a silly puritan influence juxtaposed with an inability to deal with a widespread alcoholism problem all set against the backdrop of a fairly regressive society. Undoubtedly, the most racist place I have ever been in my life.
15. Connecticut/Ohio (tie)---Oooo boy. What to say? Have you ever been to Connecticut?
As a caveat, I've never been to Cleveland or Cincinnati, and Columbus is nice. really clean. Still, Ohio has got to be the most redneck state I've ever seen. And not like, "we eat possum, have sex with our cousins, kill intruders, but still maintain a local agricultural economy and have small businesses" redneck. More like McDonald's+McDonald's+the Gap+anger+a suffocating existence+the KKK+McDonald's kind of redneck.
States I haven't been to, can't remember, or have only driven through:
1. Idaho 13. North Dakota 25. Alabama
2. Montana 14. Missouri 26. Florida
3. Mississippi 15. Utah 27. Nebraska
4. Hawaii 16. Tennessee 28. Kansas
5. Alaska 17. Georgia 29. Michigan
6. South Carolina 18. Washington 30. Arizona
7. South Dakota 19. New Mexico 31. Indiana
9. Oregon 21. Iowa 32. Arkansas
11. Kentucky 23. Wisconsin 33. Oklahoma
12. Minnesota 24. Colorado 34. New Hampshire
1 comment:
awesome description of VA
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