Ah, the fat comedian. Is there anything more lovable the world today? Duh, puppies. Also cheeseburgers. And jet packs. But fat comedians are still pretty cool. However, I find it unfair to simply group every large comedian into the same category. "Fluffy" Gabriel Iglesias has made significant strides in the field of obesity definitions. I would like to take the opportunity to expand on his revelations and present a new scale of the measurement: Levels of Fat in Comedy. This study hopes to correctly define the characteristics of the various stages to be outlined herein. The scale will progress from the once-skinny to those resigned to their fates.
Levels of Fat in Comedy
Middle-aged: Like so many great men to come before them, middle-aged comedians are subject to the perils of aging. This stage of fat is reserved for the guys who were skinny their whole lives, took it for granted, and are now stuck with a saggy gut and a pudgy face for the next 40-50 years. The patron saint of this group is Adam Sandler. Not only does he literally embody the characteristics of this level, his recent body of work reflects the attitude of it's inhabitants: tired, jaded, just plain too old for this shit. With all the vigor of their youth stripped from them forever, comedians in this category have nothing left but to half-heartedly reach for what they once had. Dane Cook will be there in no time.
Note: Certain comedians are fit enough to stay away from this and transition into the old and crazy brand of comedy. Take a look at Chris Rock to see what I'm talking about.
Second note: George Carlin was always skinny but you can't pigeonhole him as old and crazy. He was crazy from birth.
Bloated: Think John Belushi. He was never skinny, but it's not like the guy was tipping scales either. He was just kind of... round and robust. This is the sweet spot of comedy obesity. You're fat enough to make fun of, but not to the point where it's all you can do with yourself. However, this does require you to have some level of comedic talent. If you find yourself bloated and unfunny, your only choice is to be Kevin James. But if you are fortunate enough to be bloated and funny, your idol is Zach Galifianakis.
Big guy: We all know guys like this. At rest, they appear to be your everyday run of the mill fat guy But once they move, you find yourself amazed by the ease and grace with which these men are able to move. We like to describe this by saying "he really carries his weight well." Cedric the Entertainer has that "just a big guy" thing going for him. It's just the way he is, man. I bet he even dances well. You know, because he carries himself well.
The first thing people notice: Sadly, this is where Chris Farley ultimately ended up. He was a lot more than a fat comedian, but he ballooned to the point where it had to be acknowledged. At the peak of his powers, his weight was an asset in his bag of tricks. By the end it limited him to being a parody of himself (and that only works in you're French). When comedians hit this point, there's no turning back. It has to be acknowledged at some point in their act. Even if they lose the weight, they will most likely end up discussing weight loss in their new act. A comedian this fat not talking about being fat would be like a black comedian not talking about race relation or a female comedian not talking about feminism. Stop acting so indignant. It's not racist/sexist if it's true.
Did I miss a level? Do you hate the whole thing? Comment with ideas and criticism.
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