Earlier while I was doing laundry, I started thinking of the movie Love Actually. As if these weren't effeminate enough, it naturally led me to start humming "All I Want For Christmas Is You" to myself. Such an alarming testosterone deficiency can only mean one thing: Time to overcompensate!
Roar! Football! It's Saturday, which means I will spend my day hating on college football for not being NFL football. I'll leave the betting picks to the savvy, suave, sexy, other "s" adjective Edmund. He's got that information thing covered, which means it's up to me to come up with the half-baked opinions around here.
Jets at Bills: Wow, don't care, don't care, don't care. The Bills just cut a quarterback from Stanford for a quarterback from Harvard. And they wonder why they suck.
San Francisco at Atlanta: Oh man, the 49ers are about to start the season 0-4 and they could still easily win their division. Will the Seahawks keep the pressure on by continuing their ambitious run at an 8-8 record? Will Mike Singletary continue to blame his players for not being winners or having sufficient heart? I wonder if the 49ers spend most of their practice time discussing their lack of go-get-em-ness instead of, you know, learning how to play football.
Baltimore at Pittsburgh: Shucks, I was one game away on the early start times from being able to sleep in. (Sleeping in past 1 PM is preposterous, you say? You sir must have a job.) Charlie Batch is about the get reminded why he isn't a starter in the NFL. I like the Ravens to win with or without an offensive touchdown.
Redskins at Eagles: As if the return of Donovan McNabb wasn't enough to wet your whistle, Michael Vick is good at football again. Monster he may be, douchebag he may be, the dude is entertainment on cleats. I hate to say it, but I love watching this guy play football. He's made the Eagles relevant contenders in a season they literally gave up on before it even started.
Cardinals at Chargers: It's the battle for the title of least (most?) mediocre team in the west! The only thing more underwhelming that this match up would be a Dan Quayle vs. Michael Dukakis presidential election.
Bears at Giants: The Giants are one more bad loss away from officially being a team in turmoil. Osi Umenyiora and Keith Bullock are questionable for Sunday. Matthias Kiwanuka might be out for the season. Tiki "The Selfish Piece of Shit Quitter" Barber is taking shots at Tom Coughlin. When did the Giants become the Cowboys? Just win the fucking game. Pretty please? Kthanksgoodluck.
1 comment:
Too bad the football gods have conspired against your attempt to achieve balance by painting the whole damn thing pink. Also, I want to point out my irritation with the obsession with breast cancer... but I started and my comment got way too long, so I'll post about this myself.
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