Don't even get me started on rollerblades

I'm ready to take one for the team. I've started intentionally obstructing bikers on the sidewalk. As my *ahem* lawyer girlfriend will happily explain, bicycles are vehicles and thus subject to the same rules as cars. I'm not suggesting bikers stop at every red light and always ride in the proper direction. Bikers gotta bike. But these people who go flying down the sidewalk past babies, old people and other fragile creatures need to be taught a lesson. I'll leave the rules and regulations to my *ahem!* lawyer girlfriend. I'm more of a vigilante justice kind of guy. From this day forth, I am holding myself internet accountable to put reckless bikers in their place. I solemnly swear to juke, shimmy and swerve my best to slow down these rolling hazards.

I'll even take it one step further get in the way of anyone on a scooter above the age of nine. Scooters aren't really dangerous, but anybody pompous enough to ride one- be it ironic or sincere- under the contrived pretense of faster transportation is beyond pretentious to think they are important enough to endanger the health of pedestrians. If walking is too time-consuming, take the train. If you're such a faux environmentalist that you can't bear the thought of adding your carbon footprint to something that operates with or without you, stop being a douche and ride a bike like a normal person. Of course, you'll probably ride your bike on the sidewalk so you can keep being inconsiderate and selfish.

On our next episode: golf umbrellas in the street are an excellent excuse to yell "Fore!" into executives' ears.