Monday, October 6, 2008

Mmmm... Candy...

Thinking about my own post about Kimbo Slice (I cannot stress how much free time I have these days) I got to revisit my stance on marquee fights. It's been a long held opinion of mine that it's foolish to spend money on tickets to big fights, be it boxing or MMA, for any reason other than to reassert your social status due to the fact that these events are too likely to end before you even get your seat warm. What could be worse than spending hundreds of your hard earned dollars on something that lasts fourteen seconds? (Okay, James, take a deep breath and DO NOT make any prostitute jokes... Aaah, that's better.) Even if you're mentally prepared to waste the price of admission, the real problem is what you do with yourself after the fight. There you are, all dressed up in your Sunday best, craving action and most likely drunk. Oh, you're also probably in Vegas. Here's how I imagine a typical post-fight conversation goes:

You: Well, that was unsatisfying.
Friend: Saturday night, baby! Let's party!
You: Sweet! What should we do?
Friend: Strip club?
You: I don't know. I'll just end up blowing $400 on some girl named Candy.
Friend: Brothel?
You: I don't know. I'll just end up blowing $400 on some girl named Candy.
Friend: I know! Let's shoot craps! I hear the action is great at Bellagio. And you get free drinks as long as you're playing.
You: Hell yeah! Gambling and booze always go well together!

(15 minutes and $400 later...)

You: Daddy needs a six!
Craps Dealer: Snake eyes!
You: I should have found some girl named Candy.

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